Prime Minister John Key and Southland blogger Robert Guyton have signed an agreement to trade jobs for the remainder of the year, including the period covering the election, in an effort to get the country back onto a level keel. Speaking from his Hawaiin beach-house, Mr Key said that he worried that he has lost touch with reality and felt he needed to rediscover 'just who I am'. A regular reader of Mr Guyton's blog, John Key has always enjoyed the gentle ribbings Mr Guyton occasionally provides and recognises the truth behind the bloggers words. "I admire him immensely", Mr Key said, "and would like to live the way he does, if only for the remainder of the year. Mr Guyton has graciously agreed to trade places with me and I have every confidence that he can tidy up the shambles I've created , you know, with the economy and New Zealand's society and that stuff."
Mr Key has ordered suits for his 'replacement' and will instruct Gerry Brownlee, Bill English and the other National Party MPs to do exactly as Mr Guyton tells them.
When interviewed this morning on National Radio, Mr Guyton fell about laughing and promised to dismiss the whole useless lot of them the moment he arrived in Wellington.
"I've left Key a hell of a lot of apples to peel and bottle in Riverton so I don't think we'll be hearing from him for some time. I do hope he can make something of himself while he's in my home and the west wall needs painting too."
Mr Guyton and Mr Key will make a joint announcement to the New Zealand public at noon today. It's expected that there will be ripples of approval running up and down the country at the news.
Friday, April 1, 2011
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19 comments:
Good grief Robert!!
I will wake up finding I am taxed at 95%, no V8 but a bike and having to wear sandals.
This is a nightmare.
Please let it be a nightmare.
pentwig
Loyal Subject Pentwig - I'm delighted to hear you woke up this morning - I have long feared for your well-being and this was good news indeed.
With regards your fears, cast them aside my good man - I will care for you as if you were one of my own. 95% you say? What's English thinking! I demanded 100% He's for the chop!
Now, on your bike my good fellow, I've matters of state to attend to. There's Gerry to cast in bronze (he'll squeal but the finished statue will be a great stabilizer against earthquakes in Wellington) and Anne's neck to wring.
Be at peace.
Riverton Looks Forword to Decent Teacher.
In latest news of John Key taking over Riverton local R Guytons life, parents of Riverton kids leap with joy. 'At last we can get a teacher in Riverton that has his head in reality and not stuck in the ground' said one parent. Another said 'Robert has been playing with his compost so much that all he speaks is dirt, I'm happy for my child, she can run shoulders with a real winner'.....
Awesome! I'm looking forward to JK trolling on Keeping Stock and Kiwiblog immensely.
'Jumped-up-of Riverton' - 'At last', you say, 'a decent teacher in Riverton!'
I don't suppose the dozens of other teachers past and present will thank you for that comment!
Never-the-less, it is great news that John Key will be in our Riverton schools. The children will love him, especially if he wears his clown suit and does his 'cat-walk' at playtime. He'll be a hit!
James - Key trolling? I'm reminded of a Bill Clinton joke involving the presidetial swimming pool and an intern.
In fact, I'd be willing to continue my good work on-line at the same time as I'm running the country. I'll forgo the Hawaiian holidays to spend some time whipping up fervour on the blue blogs - it's for the good of the country!
Are ya not a tad concerned it could be a case of bye-bye Peasegoods, aloha tennis-courts, pool complex and gymnasium?
And 12-car garage! I hadn't considered that Suz. Mind you, he'll be on my wage :-)
I'd also be hiding the cider...his slurring needs help, not hindrance.
Key slurrs?
Dush he rilly???
Uppahrentleey show?
No V8 but a bike! poor pentwig
He'd shag your garden Rob.
How long will it take to wash the slime off the estuary? Don't even joke about it.
Marty - I fear you're right about that. Perhaps I should have written some kind of conditions into the contract, especially banning dairy cows and drilling rigs. Maybe I've been too hasty...
Harsh Shane! (I'm liking it!)
Hey Bio - I liked the house a lot!
Poor pentwig indeed.
Doin' it hard. The price of fuel will make a greenie of him yet.
I could actually see John with a straw hat on his head, some hay between his teeth and drawling "Call me Appleseed, Johnny Appleseed".
Kind of a blend of John Denver and Marcel Marceau bsprout?
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