Don't mess with Dave!

Dave lives on the farm at the top of our hill. He has a way with words. It was Dave who taught me to use the phrase 'mess of pottage' to describe all manner of untidy situations.
Dave had an unsatisfying experience with a car salesman recently and sought redress by penning them a vitriolic letter. He doesn't 'word-process', so asked me to tap it out for him so that he could be clear with his message to the hapless salesman. I asked if I might publish the letter here and he was more than happy to spread the joy!
It may be a little hard to follow, without the background story, but never-the-less, you'll probably enjoy Dave's expression of annoyance.

Your salesman informs me that as the big financial cheese of the outfit, you vetoed the allocation of a modest discount in relation to the installation of a tow bar on the above vehicle. I seem to recall you acting out of a small pantomime in the company of the 'bookie's runner' (presumably second-hand sales) when I complained about the extortionate price of this item. I was belatedly informed that I am barred from doing any towing work for the initial 1, 000 kilometres, to comply with the warranty restrictions. This begs the question of why the bloody thing was installed with such indecent haste.

I observe from Saturday's edition of the Southland Times, that in spite of your parsimony, your organization is attempting to double the trade-in price paid for the S******. No doubt this is applauded as an example of entrepreneurial flair. I call it downright avarice!

The J**** has attracted quite a bit of attention locally but my response to expressions of interest is to repeat the mantra: - 'Do not purchase a vehicle from ******** ***********  they are meaner than goat shit!'

As you sow, so shall you reap. Take good care to avoid me in the street.
Should we meet again, my actions might belie my advanced years. Were your rectum more accommodating I might be tempted to park the J**** up there.
A plague upon you and all your houses.

                              Adieu